I am excited to share that I have been approved to join the Professional Association of Athlete Development Specialists (PAADS)! It is so wonderful to connect with professionals throughout the world who are truly committed to helping athletes succeed.

As a therapist specializing in grief therapy, I want to hear about the person who brought joy, purpose, and love to the life of my client. I am a firm advocate of applying a non-violent approach to my therapy practice. That being said, one of the most violent acts a therapist can do is try to help and "fix the pain". To clarify, a violent act is not a punch to the face. A violent act in therapy is the therapist taking over a client's organic process of feeling, healing, and grieving by trying to offer "expertise" on how to fix something.  So how does one "fix" grief? You can't.
​I am not here to take over the process of grieving for my clients. ​I strive to create a space where my clients can grieve but also feel connected to their loved ones. Talking about a loved one, talking out loud to a loved one, and speaking the name of a loved one out loud in conversation are all normal processes of grief. There is no "right" way to grieve. 

One thing you need to know about grief: We never move on from grief. If anyone ever tells you that you will move on after someone has died, please tell that person to go sit down somewhere and leave you alone with that poor advice. We learn to move forward carrying the love and eternal memory of the person with us. 

As a mental health expert specializing in working with elite and professional athletes, playing a sport won't "solve" or "cure" issues related to mental health.
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What I generally observe is a disconnect occurring between the mind and body, affecting performance, and ultimately affecting emotional safety and health. This cycle circulates in one big loop, or what I love to phrase as a "pattern". 

At the same time, it is also important to recognize that an athlete is still a human being under the helmet or uniform he or she wears.
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Just because a person can compartmentalize and carry pain well does not mean it is not heavy for that person. 

With Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy becoming popularized as a mental health treatment, I would like to spend some time with you today talking about the various mechanisms of trauma and how it affects our brain and its functioning.

A primary question I often receive centers on the question of "what is dissociation" and "will I dissociate during EMDR?". Dissociation is a survival oriented process. Dissociation is the way the brain has the ability to take something that is so overwhelming when a patient cannot escape a stressful event and/or is caught in the freeze response.

So for example, there might be a child being hurt by a caregiver. Children are often too small to run away or fight back. They are the victim of the grown up. What the brain does during this type of scenario is that it allows the child to be there and not be there at the same time. In other words, the dissociative process of the brain is protecting the child so they can survive the experience.

EMDR therapy helps patients move through the dissociative process, which is inherent in any kind of trauma. EMDR helps the patient move through the experience with a much reduced rate of emotional arousal.

For the previous thirty years when trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) were added to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM), it only categorized trauma as specifically large or “Big T” events. However, adverse life experiences or “little traumas” can also have a major impact on social, emotional, psychological, and physiological functioning.

I personally choose not to define trauma by “little” or “big” events. What is significant to me in my professional opinion is how the smaller, more repetitive patterns of events become recorded in the nervous system and because of its repetition, these experiences gradually accumulate in the brain.

Where in the brain does this all get stored? Please allow me to introduce to you, if you have not already learned about the amygdala. The amygdala is within the right hemisphere of the brain, known for responding to a heightened sense of arousal. The amygdala translates information that it receives from the other parts of the brain into an emotional response. This type of response can manifest in a variety of ways within the body (e.g. heightened blood pressure, more rapid breathing, blood moving from the central part of the body to the peripheral, and the release of adrenaline). ​

In my next post, I will continue to discuss two key symptom behaviors that are congruent with trauma: avoidance and rumination. Stay tuned! 

I am so excited to share the news of this freshly released podcast episode with you! 
I recently sat down for a conversation with Jacksonville local, Kacie Main, who is both the author of her book "I Gave Up Men for Lent" and host of "The Better You" podcast. 
Kacie beams with joy and she is clearly passionate about learning and inspiring others. During our conversation, Kacie (with permission of course) picked my brain about my most favorite topics in mental health, including EMDR therapy, the neurobiology of trauma, and mindfulness! 
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Click here for the link to Episode 7 of my conversation with Kacie for Apple 
Click here for the link for Episode 7 of my conversation with Kacie for Stitcher

This community continues to surprise me in the most incredible ways and I am so thrilled to be here in Ponte Vedra Beach knowing people like Kacie are here shaping the world into a better place. I know I for sure look forward to hearing more from Kacie. Something leads me to believe she is on to something special with the work she is doing. 
If you have not done so yet, please give a follow to the incredible Kacie Main Instagram account @kaciemain_writes and of course, tune into and give a follow to the podcast @thebetteryoupodcast. 
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Read that one more time: YOUR BRAIN IS NOT WIRED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. YOUR BRAIN IS WIRED TO SURVIVE.

Generally speaking, we are taught and conditioned from a very young age that being happy all the time is "normal" and represents a standard of "good health". What I am about to share with you right now may cause some cognitive dissonance, but please try to keep in an open mind: there is no survival value in being happy. You aren't more likely to be successful. From my experience and observation as a mental health professional, I notice fear and anxiety steering the wheel for my clients, driving him her to get things done. Having fear and anxiety driving the vehicle towards completing tasks and obligations is actually pretty normal and healthy. And really, it is not all that bad if we are looking at these motivating behaviors through an evolutionary lens. Why? Your brain is programmed to get things done under the assumption he or she may have to confront an unknown perceived danger or threat.

So you might be asking, how does this have to do with happiness and survival? As our human ancestors evolved over time, they began colonizing into groups, forming communities of hunters and gatherers. Humans who would have most likely hesitated when they saw something in the woods or came across unfamiliar terrain on a hunt, were more likely to survive. Over time, this specific trait began appearing more frequently in the genetic material passed down to future generations.

Over time, the need for a higher volume of food supplies, weaponry, shelter, and children increased as a result of our human ancestors focusing more on safety and its positive impacts such surpluses would provide, ultimately ensuring the continuation of passing on the strongest genetic material to future populations. The more successful these early humans were, the stronger the genetic material would be, ensuring the continuation of a species that would evolve and continue to evolve over time to survive and adapt to changing environments and climates.

Here we are today in the modern world. Being careful often hurt us, and "threats" are not typically life threatening. This is where anxiety tends to show up in our lives. Our brains are programmed with the unique ability to process information so that we can survive. Survival includes connection, communication, and community. Your unique genetic material does not have the data to compute beating yourself up emotionally for not being a happy person.

In the experiment of life, survival is the Independent Variable (IV). Happiness is the Dependent Variable (DV). The DV is assumed to be affected by the IV, hence the term 'dependent' (its value depends on the state of the IV).

Breathing is seriously underrated. Did you know you could improve your mood, contain anxiety, enhance sports performance, and pump the breaks just by taking a few breaths? 

In previous posts, I have talked about the vagus nerve and parasympathetic nervous system. In short, the vagus nerve connects the brain to everything from the tongue, pharynx, vocal chords, lungs, heart, stomach, and intestines to different glands in the body that produce enzymes and hormones, influencing digestion, metabolism, and much more. 

The vagus nerve's influence on your lungs and heart and the connection to your brain is pretty awesome, considering this trio combined controls your body and governs your mind. To manage your state of mind and stress levels, all you have to do is activate the calming parasympathetic branches of the nervous system. 

Note: we typically do not have direct control over our nervous system, and we can't just press a button to turn the parasympathetic pathways on like a light switch. However, if you try to hold your breath for just a brief moment and then intentionally exhale very slowly, you can stimulate the vagus nerve and begin to feel grounded within your body and mind. 

In other words, I am encouraging you to train your breath. Swimmers are exceptionally good at this skill. Yoga is another activity that focuses on breath with movement. By actively focusing on your breath and the movements of your diaphragm, your autonomic nervous system will begin to communicate with your lungs, heart, and other organs for instant relaxation. 

Try to activate your own vagus nerve! How? Simply breathe out very slowly. Can you feel how your heart rate slows and your mind relaxes instantly? 

Although I am writing about a new skill, I am still encouraging you to learn from yourself. You are your best friend. Nobody knows you and your situation better than yourself. If and when you need the support, I will be here for you. Just let me know if I can help. 

Welcome to a new week! I want to briefly revisit a really cool moment I had this past weekend. The way the sky transformed during sunset on Saturday evening reminded me of something super important: without darkness, you really can't appreciate the light. Try and repeat the words in the sentence out loud: 

​Without darkness, you really can't appreciate the light. ​

If you notice the contrast between the two images below, you can really observe how the colors in the sky become even more vivid as the sky begins to darken. With this being said, we all experience dark moments in our unique lives. As a therapist, I generally notice the most significant pain my clients have endured stems from a moment in time he or she lost hope.

Instead of taking a "what is wrong with you?" approach, I specifically become curious to learn "what is strong in you?". THAT right there is the source of light. If a client can give himself or herself permission to touch the wound and go towards the darkness just for one moment, he or she can truly begin the healing process. Gradually clients can then begin to understand his or her story with greater compassion and appreciate just how strong he or she truly is. SPOILER ALERT: therapy doesn't "make" someone stronger. Good therapy empowers a person to become self-aware and recognize that he or she already has tremendous strength. 

This is a personal thing that I do as a therapist and each therapist has his or her own style of conducting therapy: I frequently check in with my clients and evaluate the progress he or she is making in therapy. Checking in during the thick of the therapeutic process is critical in not only ensuring that a client and therapist are on the same page but to also offer a moment to pause in therapy and celebrate progress the client has made since the first session. No matter the speed or direction, progress is continuous movement towards a desired goal.  

Shift happens.