As a mental health expert specializing in working with elite and professional athletes, playing a sport won't "solve" or "cure" issues related to mental health.
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What I generally observe is a disconnect occurring between the mind and body, affecting performance, and ultimately affecting emotional safety and health. This cycle circulates in one big loop, or what I love to phrase as a "pattern". 

At the same time, it is also important to recognize that an athlete is still a human being under the helmet or uniform he or she wears.
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Just because a person can compartmentalize and carry pain well does not mean it is not heavy for that person. 

With Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy becoming popularized as a mental health treatment, I would like to spend some time with you today talking about the various mechanisms of trauma and how it affects our brain and its functioning.

A primary question I often receive centers on the question of "what is dissociation" and "will I dissociate during EMDR?". Dissociation is a survival oriented process. Dissociation is the way the brain has the ability to take something that is so overwhelming when a patient cannot escape a stressful event and/or is caught in the freeze response.

So for example, there might be a child being hurt by a caregiver. Children are often too small to run away or fight back. They are the victim of the grown up. What the brain does during this type of scenario is that it allows the child to be there and not be there at the same time. In other words, the dissociative process of the brain is protecting the child so they can survive the experience.

EMDR therapy helps patients move through the dissociative process, which is inherent in any kind of trauma. EMDR helps the patient move through the experience with a much reduced rate of emotional arousal.

For the previous thirty years when trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) were added to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM), it only categorized trauma as specifically large or “Big T” events. However, adverse life experiences or “little traumas” can also have a major impact on social, emotional, psychological, and physiological functioning.

I personally choose not to define trauma by “little” or “big” events. What is significant to me in my professional opinion is how the smaller, more repetitive patterns of events become recorded in the nervous system and because of its repetition, these experiences gradually accumulate in the brain.

Where in the brain does this all get stored? Please allow me to introduce to you, if you have not already learned about the amygdala. The amygdala is within the right hemisphere of the brain, known for responding to a heightened sense of arousal. The amygdala translates information that it receives from the other parts of the brain into an emotional response. This type of response can manifest in a variety of ways within the body (e.g. heightened blood pressure, more rapid breathing, blood moving from the central part of the body to the peripheral, and the release of adrenaline). ​

In my next post, I will continue to discuss two key symptom behaviors that are congruent with trauma: avoidance and rumination. Stay tuned! 

Read that one more time: YOUR BRAIN IS NOT WIRED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. YOUR BRAIN IS WIRED TO SURVIVE.

Generally speaking, we are taught and conditioned from a very young age that being happy all the time is "normal" and represents a standard of "good health". What I am about to share with you right now may cause some cognitive dissonance, but please try to keep in an open mind: there is no survival value in being happy. You aren't more likely to be successful. From my experience and observation as a mental health professional, I notice fear and anxiety steering the wheel for my clients, driving him her to get things done. Having fear and anxiety driving the vehicle towards completing tasks and obligations is actually pretty normal and healthy. And really, it is not all that bad if we are looking at these motivating behaviors through an evolutionary lens. Why? Your brain is programmed to get things done under the assumption he or she may have to confront an unknown perceived danger or threat.

So you might be asking, how does this have to do with happiness and survival? As our human ancestors evolved over time, they began colonizing into groups, forming communities of hunters and gatherers. Humans who would have most likely hesitated when they saw something in the woods or came across unfamiliar terrain on a hunt, were more likely to survive. Over time, this specific trait began appearing more frequently in the genetic material passed down to future generations.

Over time, the need for a higher volume of food supplies, weaponry, shelter, and children increased as a result of our human ancestors focusing more on safety and its positive impacts such surpluses would provide, ultimately ensuring the continuation of passing on the strongest genetic material to future populations. The more successful these early humans were, the stronger the genetic material would be, ensuring the continuation of a species that would evolve and continue to evolve over time to survive and adapt to changing environments and climates.

Here we are today in the modern world. Being careful often hurt us, and "threats" are not typically life threatening. This is where anxiety tends to show up in our lives. Our brains are programmed with the unique ability to process information so that we can survive. Survival includes connection, communication, and community. Your unique genetic material does not have the data to compute beating yourself up emotionally for not being a happy person.

In the experiment of life, survival is the Independent Variable (IV). Happiness is the Dependent Variable (DV). The DV is assumed to be affected by the IV, hence the term 'dependent' (its value depends on the state of the IV).

Connection between client and therapist is so important, if not the MOST important factor in any type of helping relationship. And like meeting new friends or dating, you aren't going to click with everyone and that is okay!

I feel that one of the best things about therapy is the abundance of therapists out there, and if you decide a therapist isn't a good match for you, then you don't need to go back! Of course, if you make the decision to find a new therapist, I encourage letting the existing therapist know. He or she may offer a session at no cost to you where he or she can offer a termination session. Termination is a gradual and completely NORMAL process of therapy and technically begins the first session of therapy. Your therapist should support this concept in treatment.

So where to begin? Please keep these things in mind when searching for a therapist you will vibe with:

1. Ask friends and family if they know of or have a therapist he or she is happy with and would be able to provide referrals.
2. Shop online and Google it! No, seriously. Google it. There are online directories such as Psychology Today and Better Help you can use to search for therapists in your area. You can also personalize your search by searching for therapists who specialize in the areas you are seeking help (e.g. Anxiety, OCD, trauma, gender, or faith-based counseling).
3. Once you are on Psychology Today, Better Help, or looking at a Therapists' website, take a look at the photos of the therapist. I know of a saying somewhere that says, "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression". I would personally steer clear of any photos that are similar to the headshots you see in casting photos in a playbill. This also includes photos of the therapist doing other activities in his or her photos. Therapy is about YOU. It is not about the therapist who is supposed to be helping YOU. When you see his or her photo, visualize yourself in a session with him or her. You want to be able to sit across from this person without feeling any type of discomfort. Therapy, especially therapists should not feel intimidating or encourage any feeling of "being better" than you. Just because a therapist may be an expert, he or she is not the expert of YOU. Therapists are human too and your therapist should give you a sense of ease and comfort knowing he or she is your person (with good boundaries of course). If you are having any doubts about a therapist based on what you see in his or her photo, I would listen to your intuition.
4. Shoot your shot and give a therapist or several therapists a call. Therapist shopping is normal and I encourage it! You don't want to settle for just anyone because he or she has the availability to give you an appointment. Just as you want the best doctor for your physical health or your child's health, you deserve to find the best therapist for you and or your child. Try to remember this: one shoe that pinches someone else will fit another perfectly.
5. When you are speaking with a therapist, you may want to ask him or her some of these questions directly or do your own research. Where did he or she go to school? Did they complete a formal masters program or online certificate? If a therapist says he or she specializes in a specific type of treatment (e.g. EMDR, DBT, or CBT) is he or she certified? Or did he or she complete a basic training? Is the person a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) , Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), or coach? What is his or her background? Is he or she passionate about Psychodynamic and Psychoanalytic therapy? Solution-Focused therapy? Trauma-Focused Therapy? Gestalt Therapy? Does the therapist work with adolescents? couples? Does he or she accept insurance? How does payment work? Is the therapist in good standing with the state issuing him or her a license to practice? Have or has there been any complaints made against him or her to the licensing board?
6. MOST IMPORTANTLY: NOTICE!!! Notice how you feel on the phone with the therapist. At your first appointment, notice how you feel when you are in the room with him or her. Do you feel heard when you are speaking? Do you notice the therapist talking about himself or herself more than he or she should be listening to you? Does your therapist support your goals? Does he or she practice good boundaries? Do you notice the therapist using his or her cell phone during session? Notice how you feel in that person's presence. Notice everything.

What kind of space are you holding for others? Ask yourself this: am I listening to really hear what someone has to say? Or am I listening to respond?

If you listen to respond you will communicate with defensiveness. If you listen with curiosity you will communicate validation.

When your child, partner, friend, and so forth wants to share something with you, he or she wants to be heard. Listen with curiosity, reflect what you heard, and offer validation even if you don't agree. Often times I am approached by parents who are seeking guidance to better understand and "get through" to his or her child. My response is usually simple and to the effect of: "Your child is telling you what they want and how they feel, the solution is to hear what he or she is saying". Seriously. Communicating with children and adolescents is easy when barriers to understanding are removed and words are genuinely heard. I always say, "healing begins the moment we feel heard". If or when you find yourself in a dialogue with your child, spouse, friend, and so forth, I invite you to really take a moment to listen and hear what is being said.

Think of your mind as real estate property. Each time the wheels in your mind begin turning (e.g. thinking of a response, forming a judgment) the valuable property in your mind is being sold to ownership by judgment, emotion, and/or defensive thought. Using this metaphorical mental space example, giving the real estate to listening just to hear, sets the conditions for the development of mental property that is free from judgment and can gain equity through mutual understanding and connection. Remember, you can decide at any moment to designate the real estate in your mind to become open to limitless possibilities, including the possibility of holding a space for someone else to heal and feel safe.

With all this big said, there is a beautiful quote I am so excited to share with you today and it is right below these final sentences. I hope you have a great start to your week!

"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention...A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words" - Rachel Naomi Remen

It was such an honor to spend time with one of my most beloved musical artists, Mike Love last Friday here in Jacksonville, Florida. Mike's son, Christian performed lead vocals for "God Only Knows" during this performance and it was truly a beautiful moment in time to be part of the experience. Amazing how a musical performance can really pump the breaks on the world as it exists for just a moment. 

I came across this AWESOME picture by Michelle Rial the other day. Without hesitation I printed it, framed it, and now get to have this in my office to share with my clients.
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I always find a way to incorporate The Beatles into my practice as a therapist and I am delighted to share this with you as well! 

Enjoy your Friday and welcome to the month of March! 

I am a huge advocate for using a strengths-based perspective. So when I meet with someone for session, I am going to ask "what's strong in you?" rather than "what's wrong in you?" 

When I would have resident physicians shadow me as a therapist in Tallahassee, I would often get asked questions that focused on finding connection with adolescents and finding ways to get to the roots of presenting mental health issues.

 I will never forget a specific conversation I had with a resident one day. He told me that during his rotation in the emergency room, he said he had seen an adolescent patient who attempted suicide by slitting his/her wrists and didn't know where to begin or how to begin talking to the teenager. I encouraged him to start where the patient is. 

Through his lens, it would have been expected of the resident to look at the physical cuts to the wrists and begin treatment there. But I invited him to acknowledge that patient, that person's pain. Yes, physical pain is obvious, but clearly that person was in a kind of pain that modern medicine, no matter how advanced, could not directly touch. 

That kind of pain can be more significant than any physical pain you or I can experience considering we can find refuge in knowing a blood test, IV infusion, or over the counter prescription can locate the root of the issue and give us relief. 

Healing begins the moment we feel heard. So why are we not making greater efforts to listen? 

So excited to announce that after two years of intensive training, I have been approved for certification as a Certified EMDR therapist! 

What is the difference between EMDR trained and Certified? Clients will ask me, "what does it mean if I read that a therapist says he or she is Level 1 or Level 2 trained?".  Generally speaking, EMDR basic trainings require a minimum of six days and a majority of EMDR trainings will break up the six day requirement by hosting two-three day weekend training events held on different assigned weekends of a specific month. When a clinician will state that he or she is "LEVEL 1 EMDR Trained",  he or she has technically only completed the first three days of basic training. Subsequently, when a clinician states he or she is "LEVEL 2 EMDR Trained", he or she has completed the six days of basic training. Some therapists may find the basic training to be sufficient for what he or she is looking to add to his or her own practice. Once I completed basic training I immediately began applying the skills I learned and provided EMDR therapy in my sessions. I began to notice that my clients symptoms began to resolve almost immediately. How cool is that? People feeling better? I was hooked! 

After completing basic training I was presented the opportunity  to invest in furthering my knowledge of EMDR treatment even more and I went for it! I dedicated the next two years of my life utilizing EMDR and somatic processing in my sessions, attending monthly meetings with an EMDRIA approved consultant for case consultation, and learning even more about the history, mechanism of action, and function of EMDR. In my down time I spent hours studying the limbic system, neurobiology of trauma, and human anatomy so that I could truly understand the biology of stress on a cellular level. My training and certification was unique in that the founder of the Somatic Attachment Focused EMDR protocol (S.A.F.E) interweaved a concept of noticing and understanding how the body will tell us what the client needs and how a feeling, movement, or overall posture may be linked to the emotion(s) associated with a disturbing memory.  Being an EMDR provider requires a great depth of understanding and dedication to understanding how the human body reacts to stress, perceived danger, and how to work with a client when he or she may be beyond a window of tolerance to keep him or her safe. As a Certified EMDR therapist, part of my intensive training focused primarily on safety. This type of treatment necessitates a high level of competency and should not be used as a treatment unless the clinician has the qualifications, experience, and training to do so. I understand the necessity of keeping my clients safe and closely monitor each session, ensuring a person does not leave the session until he or she feels grounded enough to do so. 

So what's next? I look forward to continuing to utilize EMDR in my practice and would like to become an EMDRIA approved consultant. As a consultant, I would have the privilege of working with mental health professionals in the field who are interested in deepening his or her understanding of EMDR treatment. Regardless, the journey is far from over! If you have any questions regarding EMDR, Certification in EMDR, or would like to make an appointment, please feel free to give me a call:  904-280-8006

Hope you are having a great week so far. Regardless if you are struggling or like Lil' Duval says, "living your best life", use this moment to take a step back, pause, and try to view your situation the way you would look at a painting in a museum.

Sometimes we can get so involved and caught up in our own story that we can forget to take a step back and see the bigger picture. 

If you are at an art museum and come across a painting, you might go over to the canvas and inspect the painting from a close up angle. However, I doubt you could truly appreciate the piece of art just by studying it nose to canvas. In that case, you would be likely to take a step back and look at the painting as a whole and allowing whatever thought or emotion to surface as you stand and look at it from a distance. Why not do the same for your own story?

Taking a moment to pause, reflect, and appreciate just how far you have come isn't selfish. Gratitude is a nutrient that helps nourish the soul. *Ezekiel Elliot feed me motion*